Sinday
Mournday
Tearsday
Wasteday
Thirstday
Fightday
Shatterday

Remember, 7 days without God makes one weak!

Dear Mom and Dad:

Univer$ity life i$ $o wonderful! Cla$$e$ this $e$$ion are intere$ting, my cla$$mate$ are the be$t!

But after $pending all my ca$h on Chri$tma$ pre$ent$, I am in a little need for $ome $pending money for book$ and $uch. But don’t want to $end the wrong $ignal$ home.

Love
Your $on

After deliberating a while, this was the draft of their appropriate response:

Dear Son:

NOt much to NOtice here on the NOrth side of town since you left for NOrthwestern. NObody doing NOthing Noble.

Enjoyed having you home for Thanksgiving in NOvember and Christmas. NOthing is the same since you left.

Loved your NOte; write aNOther one when you have time.

Have to go NOw.

Mom & Dad

When they got home, the wife said, “Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don’t you write that down so you won’t forget?”

“Nonsense,” said the husband, “I can remember a dish of ice cream!”

“Well,” said the wife, “I’d also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you’ll forget.”

“Don’t be silly,” replied the husband. “A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!”

“OK, dear, but I’d like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you’d really better write it down now. You’ll forget,” said the wife.

“Come now, my memory’s not all that bad,” said the husband. “No problem–a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream.”

With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later.

Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, “Hey, where’s the toast?”

After describing the rejoicing of the household over the return of the wayward son, the teacher spoke of one who, in the midst of the festivities, failed to share in the jubilant spirit of the occasion.

“Can anybody in the class,” he asked, “tell me who this was?”

A little girl in the middle row had been listening sympathetically to the story. She waved her hand in the air.

“I know!” she said beamingly. “It was the fatted calf.”

Attention Ladies: Don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of the things you don’t want in the house. Don’t forget to bring your husbands.

Potluck dinner at 5 pm.  Prayer and medication to follow.

We need 8 new choir robes due to the addition of several new members  and to the deterioration of some older ones.

The pastor is currently on vacation. Massages can be given to the head elder or church secretary.

Don’t let worry kill you… let the church help!

A bean supper will be held in the evening at the church hall. Music will follow.

Weight Watchers group will meet at 7 pm. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.”

“Take only ONE . God is watching.”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”

Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”

“Only the Ten Commandments,” she replied.